stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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