It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
