I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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