apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
