party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
