We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
