Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
