I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
