She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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