I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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