I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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