My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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