That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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