I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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