i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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