Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
