Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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