I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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