is your mom at the bar?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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