i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
