You can't motorboat a personality
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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