LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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