Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
