I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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