the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
