How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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