at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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