Four minutes until I can fart!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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