I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
