OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
