Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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