Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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