it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
