I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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