i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
