I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
