Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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