Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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