his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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