I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh