I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it