Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU