I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet