I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day