We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos