Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?