Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
