Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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