He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
