This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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