He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
