I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
