so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
