i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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