everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
