Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
