So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
