So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
