I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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