why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
