At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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