I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I CAN MOONWALK!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
