i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Text me some of your sweat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
