My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
