just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
