this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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