Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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