First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think people are normalizing furries
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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