can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
