I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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